Monday, August 31, 2009

Coach, I'd like to talk to you about my recent PR issues

Stephen:  Hey, coach, how's it going?  You're looking pretty good after the recent off-season.  Say, have you lost weight?

Stephen:  Yeah, well, it definitely looks like you have.   Listen, I just want to clear the air here.  I know you saw my interview in Dime magazine and I know you probably heard my twitter about wanting to be on another team.  But I just wanted to make clear to you that I was talking about what's going to happen next year and I am certainly happy to play for you this year under the terms of my contract.

Stephen:  I mean, if anything, you're the best coach I've ever played for, and I love the fans here, and our win in the Dallas series two years ago was one of the best moments of my basketball life.  I'm totally committed to the team.  But at the same time, I'm not getting any younger, and I'm starting to think more about how I'll be remembered and less about the long-term plan of the team I play with.

Stephen:  And I think it's important for you and the rest of management here to know that if this team isn't serious about winning, then I won't hesitate to consider other teams when the time comes for me to be a free agent.  But that's all in the future and I'm ready to play basketball for the Golden State Warriors this season.

Okay, Coach?



Don:  Well, Stephen, that's a real fucking shame.

Stephen:  No, coach, what I'm telling you is that I'm ready to play.  I'm ready to go.

Don:  Stephen, do you speak English?

Stephen:  What?  I mean, yeah, sure I do.

Don:  That's good.


Don:  Stephen, I think I'm going to try you out at center for a the first couple of games.  Give Biedrins some time on the wing where he can help us with his shooting.

Stephen:  Excuse me, coach?  But Biedrins can't shoot, like, at all.

Don:  In addition I'm going to substitute you out every seven minutes and then return you whenever my nephew signals me from the stands with the U.S. Navy's flag language.

Stephen:  Flag language?  What?

Don:  Stephen, if I've asked you once, I've asked you a million times.  Are you a complete fucking pussy?

Stephen:  Coach, I'm ready to play.

Don:  /sips Bud Light.

Stephen:  So...we cool?

Don:  These fucking Dutchmen have ruined this beer.  Get the fuck out of my office.  And tell Dell Curry to give me a call.  I'm thinking he's ripe for a comeback now that we've got Stevie.

No comments: